Cheese Off
by iphooqui
Summary: Bella follows Leah around, calls her by the wrong name, and just plain cheeses her off. One-shot. Rated M for language and femmeslash. OOC, AU, AH.


**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. Except their personalities. And their curly hair.**

**Summary: Bella follows Leah around, calls her by the wrong name, and just plain cheeses her off. **

**Rating: M for language and femmeslash.**

**This is an out-of-season update—a summer fic in the middle of winter. Surprise!**

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><p><strong>BELLA<strong>

For the general population, summer is the best time of year. Vacationing, beaches, tans, Bahama Mamas, relaxation, sleeping in, lazy days and all that good shit. Even if you only get to do it for just one lousy week out of three whole months Mother Nature provides us with endless sunshine and overall happiness in the community. Shit, it's better than nothing. Even if you don't get a week, I am sure summer is better off for you if you don't spend it in Forks fucking Washington, the ass crack of middle of fucking clouds and rain. Summer does not exist here—in the sunshine and fun aspect of it all. Yes, school gets out for a little less than three months, and if you get to travel somewhere warm and sunny then life's pretty fucking swell.

Shit.

Thank the gray and cloudy ass skies above us that this is the last year I'll ever get forced into spending an entire summer here with my dad Charlie. Next summer I'll be eighteen, grown, and free to do as I please.

Fuck _this_. Forks can kiss my white ass.

Speaking of Charlie, here he is now just busting through my bedroom door like he owns the place.

"Hey Bells, what you doin' tomorrow?" He asked at the door.

I glared at him.

"Whoa, okay. I just wanted to ask for a favor," he grinned. It was goofy-looking.

"What is it?" Just the slightest shift brought me to the unfavorable and mildly painful realization that my body has molded into my bed.

"Come with me to Billy's get-together. His niece is in town and it would be nice if the both of you got out of the house for a few minutes."

He waited anxiously for my answer.

"Well actually this favor is more for Billy than anybody else," he added after he received no response from me.

"Tell me how this favor is for Billy," I quizzed.

By the way, this right here has been the most eventful part of my day.

"Well his niece—Leah—has been having a tough time and she just needs a friend. He was hoping that maybe you could just talk to her or something," he shrugged.

I shook my head disapprovingly.

"No, no. I don't like people. I would be the wrong person to ask."

"Just do it for Billy would ya, kiddo?"

Was Charlie begging?

"I am sure if this Lola chick has been having a tough time she wouldn't want some stranger weirdo kid half-ass trying to make her life remotely better," I was not about to put much effort into this at all. To hell with that, I don't know that chick—or that Billy guy, either. "That would actually make things worse."

"Bella I'm only asking for, like, an hour of your time. What do you do all day anyway? Play World of Warcraft and watch movies? When was the last time you showered?"

I gasped. He crossed the line with that one.

"That is a sensitive subject and as a female I hold the right to keep that information undisclosed." I folded my arms.

"Well this is where I get to say, 'well too bad kiddo, I'm the parent and you're the kid and as long as you're living under my roof you have to do as I say. Now tomorrow you're coming with me to Billy's house and before we leave you're cleaning yourself up.' There. I win," he smiled contentedly and released a wicked, triumphant sigh.

I smiled back.

"Hey Charlie would ya let me borrow about five hundred bucks so I can stay at a hotel until tomorrow?"

Then technically I wouldn't be living under his roof, no?

"_No_." And with that, he walked out, shutting the door behind him.

Fuck.

The next day I came to the ultimate and solid decision that I wasn't going anywhere with anybody. I planned to stay put and avoid water, soap, and Charlie. I figured I would just lie in the bed motionless and play dead until it was time to go and Charlie would have no choice but to leave without me. I didn't expect to have to partake in this role until _after_ I rose to a nasty and rainy 4:00 late afternoon, but Charlie broke through my makeshift lock on the door at approximately 7:41 in the morning, forcing me to frantically remove myself from my mattress for a reason other than foraging for food or using the toilet. I was ready to grab my wooden bat and clonk someone in the face before this all dawned on me.

"Oh good, you're up. We're leaving in about an hour. We're gonna go to the market and get a few things before heading to Billy's," he informed.

And just as quickly as I got up, I dove back under my covers.

"Actually I was just about to check in," I yawned.

"You're a little early for that, kiddo. Now get ready," he started walking out, but came right back in when I didn't budge.

"What the hell, are we going for a complimentary breakfast? You refused to mention the untimely nature of this affair. This interferes with my plans. I cannot make it. But in spite of this all, I'm open to accepting a rain check," I mumbled into my sheets.

They felt so fucking good. Of course they did, it was bedtime.

"Bella I'm only going to ask one more time."

"I'll tell you what," I decided to at least be courteous and sat up to make eye contact while I voiced my brilliant alteration to this unflattering situation. "How about you go to wherever you gotta go—because I'm sure whatever you're looking for you aint gonna find it here in Forks—and when you're done with that then we'll talk, kay?" I finished off with my ass cozily blanketed under my dark green throw.

That's when I was forced out of my bed, thrown over Charlie's shoulder, and brutally carried away from my sanctuary.

"Help! Rape! Rape!" I held on to the edges of the doorframe and tried to stick either foot up Charlie's ass.

"Isabella, you stop this childishness right now," with just a little effort Charlie was able to yank us both out of the room.

"No! Where are you taking me?" I screamed, horrified.

"To the bathroom. You need a shower," he grunted as I mercilessly kicked my legs against his back.

"Do I stink?"

"A little. Your hair is also oily as hell, now get in there!" He tossed me into this unfamiliar room and slammed the door shut between us. "I swear being locked up in this house for nearly two months has turned my kid into some loony…_loon_!" Charlie's raging voice faded away. "And if I don't hear that shower running in five minutes, I'm calling the Mad House!"

Charlie knew under my mental antics was a mind that was just as…for lack of a better term…_normal_ as any human mind could possibly be. I've been pulling this shit off since I was old enough to realize that it could get me out of doing things I didn't want to do. Sucks ass that it doesn't work anymore.

I was just going to wash my hair to get rid of the 'oily' look and to shut Charlie up, but halfway through standing under the satisfyingly warm stream of water I decided to actually shower…you know, with soap. That led to me shaving and brushing my damn teeth! What the fuck is this world coming to? I even put fucking conditioner in my hair and combed through days worth of knots.

I looked and smelled pretty fucking spiffy in my all white towel.

Not wanting to embarrass Charlie and myself by getting caught in a towel that covered everything but my head, arms, legs, and feet, I made a mad dash to my room and shut the door ferociously behind me.

For the first time in probably a month I pulled the curtains back and opened the blinds. To my fucking surprise, the sun was out. It was wet, but there was no hint of cloud anywhere. Forks is a bitch, though. It's good at fooling you into thinking that there will be an absence of rain with a cloudless, blue sky early in the day and then BAM. You're soaked.

Piece of shit town, I tell you.

I'll take my chances in these green plaid Bermuda shorts and forest green tank top. Can't forget my awesome and reliable high-top green Chuck Taylors. This pair is my second favorite out of the four pairs of footwear I own. My black and white Chucks have a special place in my heart and have been through almost everything with me. Charlie has been begging me to get a new pair for the past three or so years. He even bought me a spankin' new fucking pair last Christmas but I refuse to replace my babies. They're destroyed entirely for suitable wear but doesn't he know that Chucks are _supposed_ to look dirty and busted?

I smiled down at my green Chucks. They are on the road to total destruction as well. Still have a ways to go, but they're getting there. My navy blue and red ones have some wear and tear, but not nearly as bad as my babies or even the green ones.

I love Chucks.

"Bella!" Charlie called from downstairs.

"Keep your panties on, Charlie!" I yelled. "I'm almost done!"

I grabbed a hair tie from my dresser and pulled my ferociously thick and curly hair back into a low, tamed ponytail. It's behaving for now, but when it dries it's going to look like a fucking bird's nest. Thanks Charlie.

After snatching my wallet off the dresser I bounded down the stairs, skipping the last six steps to jump over the railing. I landed on the floor and did about five somersaults to get to the front door. Charlie watched the whole thing from the kitchen entrance.

"You look nice," he gave me his old poppa grin before taking a sip of his coffee.

"Ahh yep, I take after my dad," I stood up.

"Must be a good looking guy," he said with a smug smirk.

"Sometimes."

We didn't make it to this Billy dude's house until almost 3:00 in the afternoon, when the get-together was supposed to originally start anyway. Charlie decided he wanted to go to fucking Port Angeles to get some new fishing equipment. I would have complained or stayed in the truck for a nap, but the detour was actually pretty fun. Shouldn't have taken as long as it did, but fun nonetheless. The only thing I hated was running into random friends of Charlie's—especially the old post-menopausal hairy chicks—that cooed and awed over me like some fucking puppy.

Unacceptable.

"Charlie! Bella! Welcome," Billy greeted us as he stepped aside to let us into his home full of old people. "How are you, Bella? My, you look just like your mother. Very beautiful."

"Thanks. I'm fine, how are you?" I was never one to take a compliment but that didn't stop me from being rightfully polite.

"Wonderful," he smiled warmly before throwing his arm over Charlie's shoulder. "The guys and I were just talking about…" and that's when I tuned them out. I saw them disappear into the dining room where all the noise and old people music was coming from.

I took a seat on the big comfy leather couch and flipped through the channels. About a minute and a half in, the consequences of my being up for over twenty-one hours began to take full effect. What better than to doze off at a friendly, peaceful gathering meant for the elderly anyway?

"Oh hey Bella! Listen, my niece is in the kitchen. I know it's a little boring here for you two young kids," Billy barged back in the moment I began to lay back on the couch. "She's your age. You two should…hang out," he practically pleaded.

Shit, that's why I was forced here in the first place. I was hoping this chick was smart enough to get out of it.

"Oh sure, Billy," I forced a smile.

"Thanks, kiddo," he nodded once, then stood awkwardly for two seconds before he spun around and returned to the dining room.

"Oh, boy," it took all the willpower in me to get up off the comfy ass couch so I could then _drag_ myself to the kitchen.

Lola—I think that's her name—was sitting at the island, her side facing me. She was playing with her phone and didn't even bother looking up to see who walked in. A lady at the fridge stole my attention. She was turning with a tray full of old people treats when she noticed me.

Immediately an exaggeratingly friendly grin spread across her lips and I couldn't help but return a small smile.

"Hi! You must be Bella. I'm Sue. Your dad never stops talking about you."

"Yep, that's me."

Sue put the tray down on the counter and practically skipped towards me to attack me with an unexpected hug and kiss on the cheek.

"Your name suits you well. You are very beautiful," she placed her hands gingerly on either of my shoulders and took a step back to examine my face. I saw that Lola kid's head rise from my peripheral vision.

Damn it, I shouldn't have taken a shower or shaved or washed my hair or come at all. I can't deal with compliments, especially from ridiculously pleasant people. All I could do was smile as she affectionately stroked my hair.

"Would you like something to drink or eat?" Sue offered as she picked up the tray.

"No, thank you."

"Well if you need anything don't be afraid to help yourself, sweetie," she smiled and disappeared.

It was just this Lola chick and me again, and I was still standing in the same spot where I could only see the side of her body. It was pissing me off. She was back to playing with her phone, so all I could see was half of her face, which didn't appear to be the least bit content or welcoming. Her jet-black, silky hair flowed past her shoulders to about the middle of her back. Her skin was a beautiful and rich shade of copper.

Shit.

I stopped staring once she shifted uncomfortably in her chair and advanced toward the island. I decided I'd get myself a glass of water so I could get a better look at this chick, and because suddenly I was unexplainably parched. I was uncharacteristically self-conscious the entire time I searched through the cabinets for a glass and dug into the fridge for the Brita pitcher of filtered water. Again I saw her look up twice from my peripheral vision before I leaned against the counter and almost downed the entire glass.

"So, uhh, you get dragged to these old people gatherings often?" I finally said after a loud exhale of thirst-quenching satisfaction.

She looked up again—no, look wouldn't be the appropriate term. More like _glare_—and I nearly had a fucking coronary at the sight. This Lola chick was fucking flawless.

Her face softened considerably, probably in response to _my_ facial expression. I wasn't sure what kind of dumb look I had on my face, but I'm positive it was embarrassing and I wouldn't be surprised if this Lola chick burst into a fit of giggles at any minute.

"No," we had to have been staring at each other for _at least_ six seconds before she finally responded.

Her focus returned to her phone, but _I_ found it painful to look away.

"Yeah, you know, me neither. This will be the first and last time Charlie ever forces me to one of these things. Brutal."

I got no response, but I didn't even notice until after a few seconds when I became painfully aware of the fact that I was gawking at this chick like a fucking idiot.

"Er, what's there to do around here?"

Nothing.

Okay, forget trying to be nice to the preposterously gorgeous chick.

"What, the princess can't speak? Helloooo," I made it even more awkward by taking a seat right next to her—and turning so that we could be face to face.

Another glare, but still no response.

"Hmm. Well, I'm Bella. Charlie's my dad…he's the chief of police. You probably already knew that, though. I live in Phoenix with my mom Renee but I visit Charlie often. Mostly during the holidays because you gotta admit summers here are _shitty_. But I thought it was time for a change. Okay, fine. I lied. I was forced to come this summer. Charlie has known your uncle Billy for maybe forty-three years or something like that. I've met him maybe once when I was, like, seven but I don't remember shit about it. Um, I'm seventeen. Gonna be a senior in the fall. So, tell me about yourself, what do you like to do?" I loved pissing princesses off.

Nothing. Again I got nothing.

"I hate rap. And stale popcorn. I think motorcycles are sexy. I chipped my tooth once during a field trip to ASU. Long story, but I got it fixed, though. Cashews have got to be the best—"

"Can't you take a hint?" I didn't think it was possible for the scowl on her face to grow fiercer.

However, instead of intimidation I just felt a tingle in my pants.

"Oy! The princess speaks! Thank God, I was beginning to think you were a mute," I smirked.

"No, you just talk too fucking much."

"Funny, I've never heard that one before. Well how about you talk for a change then, since you are now able to verbalize your feelings."

There goes that angry, royal sharp intake of breath.

"Keep fucking around."

"Do you have any tattoos?" Princesses hate to be ignored.

"You're not cute," she stood up.

"Cute isn't my thing. So, thanks," gotta love those witty comebacks.

I guess the princess had enough of me because she was out of the kitchen before I could say anything else. I thought about following her, but she looked like she could give a mean punch to the face or kick to the shins if pushed to the edge.

Hmm.

Well that was fun while it lasted. What should I do now? Nothing entertaining here in the kitchen except for those cupcakes. _Definitely_ nothing to my liking in the dining room. Hell, I have the right to sit in the living room and watch TV just as much as she does.

"What ya watchin'?" I survived the stare down I received when I walked from the kitchen entrance to the lazy boy perpendicular to her. "Aw, come on. _Bad Boys II?_ That is such a pussy movie."

"Hey girls. You two havin' fun?" Billy had this way of showing up at inopportune moments.

"I'm having a _blast_, Billy. I'm so glad I came," I rocked back and forth in my chair with what had to be the goofiest grin to have ever existed on my face.

"Great," he ducked back into the dining room. I guess that scowl is notoriously fixed on Lola's face because Billy did not seem put off by it.

Perhaps she was born with it?

"Say who you textin' over there? Don't your fingers get tired? Why don't you just call the dude?"

I haven't the slightest idea what has gotten into me. I usually ignore people with sticks up their asses, but there's something enticing about this chick. Either that, or I've been locked up for far too long.

"Because there's always some nosy little bastard trying to get in my business."

Ahh.

Even though she was being an absolute ass, it made me happy that she was talking to me.

"Wouldn't you think texting is an easier way to get dirt? It's physical evidence. Of course either way somebody else has heard your conversation. What an _unseemly_ government system we have," I shook my head.

Her brows dipped along with the eternal frown.

"Don't you have friends you can annoy?"

"I left them all in Phoenix."

Truth is, I was a loner here and in Phoenix with the exception of my best bud since third grade, Abe—he's my dog. People don't really talk to me. They think I'm weird.

"Lucky them," Lola mumbled.

"What was that?" I knew exactly what she said.

Question existing is whether she's bold enough to repeat herself.

Instead, she royally rolled her eyes and turned to the TV.

"Do you always dress like you're going to a funeral?" I asked after about a minute of silence. I used the question as an excuse to intently scan her finely toned body and smooth skin. "_Jesus_, I've never seen so much black in my life."

"Actually I just got _back_ from a funeral," she hissed.

I knew what she was doing. And it worked for, like, a quarter of a second.

"Right, who was the lucky dude?" I know my bullshit.

"My patience."

Relief flooded through my veins at the thought of having some kind of effect on her, even _if_ it was negative.

"You should work on your comebacks. They're a little rusty."

Her eyes stayed glued on the large TV screen as her right heel tapped impatiently against the floor.

"Is that Sue chick your mom?"

The resemblance between them was uncanny, I was just now noticing.

Silence.

"Earth to Lola! Has anyone ever—"

"_What_ did you just call me?" Her harsh black eyes pierced viciously through mine.

Ouch.

"LOOO-LAAA," I enunciated slowly and unattractively. "It's your name, isn't it? Or would you prefer it if I addressed you as _Your Royal Highness_?"

"That is _not_ my name," her words were acerbic.

Charlie did say that was her name, didn't he? I know I wasn't hearing shit!

"Then what the hell is your name? Oh, I know! It's _Cruella_, isn't it?"

"_Fuck this_," she mumbled as she stood from her seat and made her grand exit through the front door.

Awesome, now I can go down for a nap.

But just as I kicked back and found incomparable comfort in between the fancy cushions of the couch, somebody barged in. I sat up and almost shot daggers at whoever it was, but decided not to when I noticed it was Billy. Again. Did I mention his timing was horrendous?

"Hey! How's it—where's Leah?"

_Leah. Ohh_.

I peeked out of the window just in time to catch her long ass leg swing over one side of that motorcycle I noticed sitting out in Billy's driveway.

Holy mother of shit, Leah is straddling a motorcycle.

Without a word, I busted out of the house and fell flat on my face in the grass after I tripped over a big ass rock that got in my way. I lied facedown and motionless for a few seconds before I lifted my head and found Leah staring at me, a look of indifference taking over her features.

I was back on my feet in seconds, dusting off my grass-stained knees and clearing my throat.

"So, you gonna take that thing for a ride?"

Naturally, she ignored me.

"You should probably wear a helmet," I said weakly. I was momentarily struck with incompetence when I noticed, again, that Leah was straddling a motorcycle.

"What the hell would I look like wearing a helmet?"

"Not very stylish," I meant to add something else to that, but I forgot what it was when my gaze focused on her subtly toned arms.

"Freak," she muttered and hopped off the motorcycle. I snapped out if it instantly. "Stop fucking following me."

I took her words as an invitation to follow her into the garage at the side of the house.

She glared and rolled her eyes at me but said nothing as she lied back on an object that closely resembled a skateboard and rolled herself under a hoisted vehicle that looked like it was made sometime in the caveman days.

"A garage, huh? Wow," I nodded as I took in my surroundings. "This seems like _the last_ place you would step your imperial ass foot into," it was pretty neat and clean in here, though.

I heard a sharp intake of breath come from under the car, but nothing else.

"You know, maybe that's why that car is in here and not functioning properly in the first place. Because you made it worse."

"It works just fine, asshole," she growled and I saw her hand reach out for a socket wrench.

"Whoa, whoa! I think you should leave that job for someone who actually knows what they're doing," I spoke earnestly.

She wasn't very nice, but I would have hated to see her get hurt due to a lack of expertise.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? You don't _know_ me," she rolled out from under the ancient car and stood up.

The junction at my thighs twitched a little when she took two steps towards me. I think she was supposed to be intimidating me, but it just had the opposite effect.

"Of course I know you. You're Cruella's first cousin—no, maybe her twin sister. _Cruella and Leah_. What a coincidence!"

I didn't really know what I was talking about, but I didn't have much time to think about it once I saw Leah charge at me.

I was ready to cower in a corner with my arms stretched out in front of me—I was a lover, not a fighter! I totally saw myself apologizing repeatedly as I imagined her brutally taking five or six well-deserved blows at my eye.

When her strong hand gripped my jaw I was prepared to go as far as bursting into tears to keep her from shattering it to pieces and tearing my ass up. I did _not_ want to eat baby food!

But before that could happen she shoved me hard against the wall. I smashed into it and knocked a few suspended tools to the ground. One heavy ass looking ball and peen hammer missed my head by a couple of inches before it landed on the concrete floor with a piercing clank. It was scary and I was scared.

She lunged again, grabbing one side of my neck and then—_kissed me?_

GODDAMN!

She _killed_ me! How the fuck did this happen? I didn't even see it coming. Maybe that hammer _did_ land on my head and I just thought it didn't. Perhaps she snapped my neck in half before I had time to notice.

Well, either way, my exit was painless and now I'm in heaven making out with the one that killed me. Did she die too?

Wait. That's fucking retarded.

My eyes flew open. I was still in the garage and Leah was still in my face, supplying fervent kisses as her tall and willowy body pinned mine against the wall.

_Strange_.

Well, okay. I'll just go with it.

My hands reached for her waist and she pulled away from me.

She looked super pissed.

I let go of her waist immediately.

Oops.

Well, it was fun while it lasted.

"Alrighty then. So as I was saying, you and Cruella—"

Her full, eager lips hushed me and this time her tongue made a grand entrance into my mouth. I expected something bitter to match her attitude, but Leah's mouth was the sweetest I've ever tasted in my life. I was instantly hooked.

Her hands moved urgently up and down my sides and across my stomach. I lightly bit her tongue and she grabbed at and massaged my boobs. She pinched hard at my sprouted nipples through the fabric of my shirt and sports bra—the pain felt so good. I whimpered and buckled at the knees like a little bitch. In the next second her hand was dipping past the waistband of my shorts and panties.

A small sound of appreciation vibrated from Leah's chest as her long fingers made contact with my ridiculously wet pussy. The things she does to me. I impatiently undid the button and the fly of my shorts to give her working hand more room to twist and move around. She pressed down hard on my throbbing clit and stroked me with rapid, circular movements.

She had me groaning and humping her hand so quick, I _almost_ felt embarrassed. Almost.

Her lips moved to my neck as she quickly introduced a few fingers and started fucking me ruthlessly. I slumped back against the wall, eyes closed, lips parted, and hands gripping random nearby objects as Leah carefully sucked and nibbled on my neck.

I came once her smooth voice whispered something in my ear. I wasn't even sure what it was that she said, but it had me cursing and muttering out obscenities.

I figured and hoped it was finally okay for me to put my hands on her. I sure as hell didn't want her shying away from me before I could thank her for taking care of me.

And right now, I really wanted to taste her pussy.

I spotted the large-surfaced countertop and wordlessly instructed her to climb on top of it. She was about to sit down, but I told her to stay on her hands and knees and spun her around so that she was facing the wall—and her firm and round ass was facing me.

Pulling her snug black pants down to her knees took a little bit of work, but as soon as they were down I was awarded with the sweetest prize.

She wasn't wearing underwear.

I don't go giving head to strangers all willy nilly, but Leah's an exception. _Huge_ exception.

I wasted no time devouring her glistening pussy and fisting her fleshy ass cheeks. She tasted absolutely divine—ten times better than her mouth. I let my lips, tongue, and teeth do all the work on her clit and she was collapsing and panting on the counter less than three minutes later.

As she recovered, I zipped and buttoned up my shorts.

"How long you gonna be in town for?" I'd like to see more of her.

"About another month."

"We should hang out."

"I don't know," she leaped off the counter and pulled up her pants. "You talk a lotta shit."

"That's true," I agreed wholeheartedly. "But you also know exactly how to shut me up."

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><p><strong>Thanks for checking this out :-)<strong>


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